I despise most of my own poetry
have no idea what all these words are supposed to be
some far away melody, melancholy
I’m vomiting, can you hear it?
are you listening?

fears following thoughts
fools chasing dragons
see my substance dependency
swallowing dubious amounts of everything I can get
let me be me - I want all of it
feelings consisting of something 
don’t worry, my consistent abuse of things is medicinal
it’s either all the way or nothing for me
I want it all or I want to stop all of it
I got stuck inside my thoughts again
I just need a little something 
something to calm my mind just enough to - whoops!
I got fucked and lost all of my thoughts again
I wake up - there are all these thoughts again…
I drink dragon juice straight from the bottle
I never leave any dragon juice
my fridge is always empty
we will never be free but I don’t need to be
all these heavy thoughts weigh me down
I love gaining weight 
give me some dragon juice and I’ll sing you some melodies
I keep morphing all my problems into parodies

life ain’t fair
it never was
everyone’s paying a different transaction fee
everyone already went to hell 
we will never be able to make heaven into reality
from where we are we can only re-enact the heavenly

swaying into madness
all these stains in my mattress
blood & semen
I hunt nightmares and demons
you better believe me
see the scary seeping through cracks in the ceiling
nobody is safe