RED TURTLE: Pardon me, but you’re sitting on what I consider my shell. It’s nothing against you personally. I don’t like anyone sitting on my shell like that. 

SADBOY: Whoah! I’m sorry, turtle-person. I thought you were just some oddly looking rock. 

RED TURTLE: No need for apologies, I do look a bit like some oddly looking rock when I’m within myself. It’s my head, tail and legs that make one realise I’m actually a turtle, you see? 

SADBOY: I see. What’s your name? 

RED TURTLE: My name is RED TURTLE. What is your name? 

SADBOY: SADB- … SQUIDIUS. 

RED TURTLE: Your name is SADB- … SQUIDIUS?

SADBOY: No, it’s SQUIDIUS. And SADBOY, I guess, as well. 

RED TURTLE: So your name is SQUIDIUS and SADBOY? 

SADBOY: You could say that yes. 

RED TURTLE: Well what do you say? 

SADBOY: Fuck it, let’s go with SADBOY. It’s who I am here now after all. 

RED TURTLE: Nice to meet you, SADBOY. You know, I call myself RED TURTLE because I am a red turtle. Why do you call yourself the way you do? You seem to be some kind of squid or octopus person, although I’m sorry to say I don’t really see what it is you actually are. That is O.K., not everyone has to appear in a way easy to understand. I get it. I too get misunderstood when I am within myself and people only see my shell. They think things like you did, that I’m made of stone, an oddly shaped one. Your name, does it mean you’re you sad? 

SADBOY: Uhm… I mean I just some moments ago spoke to a crow who told me endlessly about how language is broken and names don’t mean anything, yada-yada fuck me and all that. If this is some fucking test I swear I’m going to lose my mind— CROWBOY? CROOOOWBOOOY? I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE UP TO! 

RED TURTLE: I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Who is CROWBOY? Who are you? I don’t think I know who CROWBOY is. This is my forest and I live near the lake. I’m quite sure I’ve never seen anyone named CROWBOY, but I do see crows sometimes. So maybe… I don’t know for sure of course. 

SADBOY: I… CROWBOY is something in the shape of a crow. Like, like some kind of annoying trickster-spirit that’s just terribly incompetent. A shapeshifting insanity. Something like that. Whatever. He’s the one who named me SADBOY, because I am sad and he thought it a fitting name for me, so please CROWBOY if this is one of your tricks again just get it over with and appear to me in your crowish form again and shadow my sadness, allright?

RED TURTLE: I’m sorry to hear that. Why are you sad? 

SADBOY: I uuhhm… I lost a loved one recently. A fatal accident; driving on the back of a motor of someone she barely even knew. She died somewhere in Jeruzalem…

RED TURTLE: Oh… I’m really sorry about that. I know there is not much that I can do, but I can offer you a cup of tea, would you like that? I have some at my house. 

SADBOY: I, ehh I guess I would love that, thank you. You don't sound like CROWBOY... Thankfully. Or, I mean, well... hopefully you're not. 

RED TURTLE: I don't think so, I think I would have known such a thing. I do know tea. Tea is wonderful. Nobody ever said otherwise. Or maybe they did. I don’t really know that. Maybe I don't know that many things, but I do know that tea is good.. If someone says otherwise they are wrong! Or perhaps they only drank bad tea? Or unless they said it was even better than w o n d e r f u l! That I would understand. Tea can be bad, good or even better than amazing, wouldn't you agree? Tea is nourishing to the soul, don’t you think so too? A warm cup of tea is so embracing and cold it can be so gently refreshing!